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APPLICATION TO BE A REDNECK

Name:_____________________________
Nickname:________________________________
CB Handle:______________________________
Address (RFD No.)_____________--_________________________
Daddy (if unknown, list 3 suspects):____________________________________
Mamma:___________________________________
Neck Shade:_________Light Red _________Medium Red __________Dark Red
Number of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper_______ Lower________
Name of Pickup owned:________________________
Height of Truck________________
Truck equipped with:
Gun Rack ______4-Wheel Drive ______Confederate Flag _______
Cassette Deck ______Load of Wood ______Hijacker Shocks _______Radar Detector ______
Mag Wheels ______Dual CB Antennas _______Spittoon ______Camper Top ______
Air Horns _______Mud Flaps ______Toothpick Holder ______Mug-Grip Tires _______
Racoon Hide ______Big Dog

Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup:_________

BUMPER STICKERS:
Eat More Possum _____My other car is a piece of shit too _____Honk if you're horny _____
If you ain't a cowboy you ain't shit _____Redman Chewing Tobacco _____Wave if you're horny ___

Define the following (must be 90% correct):
1. Grits 6. Sawmill Gravy 11. Cobbler 16. Tater 2. Goobers 7. Turnip Salad 12. Fatback 17. Pig Skins ?. Pinto Beans 8. Shit-on-a-Shingle 13. Tote 18. Okrie 4. Collards 9. Redeye Gravy 14. Chickin' Fry 19. Shonuf ?. Sidemeat 10.Soppin' Syrup 15. Poke 20. Chitlins

Favorite Vocalist:
Reba McEntire ____Conway Twitty ____Loretta Lynn ____Hank Williams Jr. ____Randy Travis ____Ray Wylie Hubbard ____Tammy Wynette ____Slim Whitman ____Porter Wagoner ____Willie Nelson ____George Jones ____Box Car Willie

Favorite Recreation
Square Dancin' ____Possum Huntin' ____Skinny Dippin' ____Craw Daddin' ____Gospel Singin'____
4-Wheelin' ____Drankin' ____Spittin' Backy ____Bill Chip Throwin' ____Honky Tonkin' ____
Noodlin' ____Other
Name of son(s):
Bubba _______Jim Bob _______LeeRoy ______J.D.
Name of Daughter(s):
PammySue ______Violet ______Paulette _____Daisy
Weapons owned: _____Deer Rifle _____Sawed-off Shotgun _____Varmit Rifle _____Log Cabin _____Tire Iron _____Power Chain Saw _____Pick Handle _____Hick'ry Switch
Number of Dogs:_____ Type:_____Blue Tick ______Black & Tan _______Beagle _______Bird Dawg >
Cap Emblem: _____John Deer _____McCullock Chain Saws _____Budweiser _____Vo-Tech _____Skoal _____Coors _____NAPA _____Smile If You're Not Wearing Underwear

Number of Dependants: _______Legal _______Claimed

Number of Weeks Unemployed:__________

Number of Welfare Checks Received:_________

Memberships:

KKK ___NRA ___Moose ___PTL Club ___AA ___Bass Club ___VFW ___Quiltin' Bee ___American Legion ___ United Sons and Daughters of the Confederacy ___John Birch Society

Length of Right Leg:__________
Length of Left Leg:___________
Does your truck contain some part painted the official state color of Primer Red?Yes ___No___
How many cars do you have jacked up on blocks in your front yard?__________
How many kitchen appliances will you keep on your front porch?__________
Will you wear mostly double-knit polyester pants with snags?________
Do you own any shoes? _____Yes _____No If yes, how many?_________
What year did you last purchase shoes?_________
Are you married to any of the following: _______Sister _______Cousin ________Sow
Do you know her name? _____________
Does your wife weigh more than your pickup?_________
Can you sign your name and get the spelling right every time?___________
Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend?__________
If so, why?_______________________________________________________________
Can you count: Past 10 with your shoes on?___________________ To 21 with your fly up?_________________
Do you know any words that have more than 4 letters?______________
Have you ever had more than one bath in a week?_______________
Medical Information:
Do you have at least two of the following:
BO ____Crabs ____Head Lice _____Rabies ____Trench Mouth _____Runny Nose _____Bad Breath ____Chafing

IF YOUR APPLICATION IS TURNED DOWN, YOU MAY BE STILL QUALIFY TO ATTEND AUBURN UNIVERSITY.    THEIR STANDARDS ARE SLIGHTLY LOWER.

 

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