God Bless America

Welcome to the South's best lil' Country Humor site!


Raccoon CookBook

Raccoon du jur

 (french fer Raccoon do Jurk ..When run over.. I  think)

By Michael Clark (18 Aug 1999)

Raccoon's (or coon's as we call em in the south) are probably smarter than that dumb uncle of yours, use their hands like we do, and love to dig around in folk's trash - again like that uncle of yours (the one that drives around picking through the stuff the neighbors leave out for the garbage man (claims he's gonna sell the stuff at the flea market - yea right!).  Because they can be smarter than many of our relatives, it's natural that we would want to kill them...

A lot of folks like to hunt em at night with dogs.  If you want to try that then it would be best to get with someone that knows what their doing to teach you how and keep you from gettin' lost in the woods.  Stumbling around in the woods and swamps at night can be hazardous to your heath.. especially with a loaded gun.  If you accidentally stroll out of the woods into someone's yard , you could get shot at... or if your lucky just chased back in the woods with a pit bull or rottweiler clamped down on your ass..

If you decide to coon hunt, you'll need a coon dog -  first off because your nose ain't that good, if you can't smell you wife passin' gas in the other room then you shore ain't gonna smell coon tracks.  Also cause you'll never run fast enough to chase a coon up a tree to where you can get a shot at it.  As much noise as you'll make stumbling through the woods.. the coon could just walk circles around you and you'd never know it was there.   

Coon Huntin' Dogs

There are certain breeds of dogs that make good coon dogs.  Chawawa's, poodles,  Shih Tzu's,  Lhasa Apso's or your wife's butt ugly Pekingese are not good hunting dogs.  However dropping them off in the woods to 'see' if they'll hunt might be good, especially if you jump in your truck and leave right after dropping them off.   Good coon dogs are hound breeds with names like Black & Tan, Redbone, Blue Tick, Red Tick and Walker hounds.

After you get a dog, you'll need to name him a good coon huntin dog name.  Smokey, Rebel, Highball (see Jerry Clower) are good names.  Old Blue is a classic name, especially if your dog is sorta blue in color (paintin' the dog blue so you can name him that is not recommended, it'll eventually wear off, and just pisses the dog off too).  Names like Frisky, Precious,  or Buttercup should be avoided - you want your dog to be tough and mean, interested in sniffin out an animal and killin it, not just in sniffin' other dog's butts.

Dog Trainin'

Ok, the objective is to get yer dog to track and tree a coon.  A good way is to drive around and find (or create) you a fresh roadkill.  To kill yer own, drive up and down rural roads at night (maybe in front of your uncles shack).  In fact, you may just want to use this method instead - it's a whole lot easier than coon huntin' in the woods at night, and you don't need a dog or gun to do it.

 After you find or kill one,  Scrape it up and take it home.  Tie a rope around it and drag it around your and your neighbors yard (might be best if they ain't home).  Make a good scent trail,  then tie it up in a tree somewhere (I recommend the neighbors tree).

Let your dog out and see if he'll track the coon.  After bein' trained your dog should follow the trail,  then bark up at the coon in the tree.   If he ignores the trail, untie the coon and let your dog sniff it, then start draggin it with him chasin it.  If you can't out run him then you could tie the coon to the bumper of your truck and drive down the road draggin it with your dog in hot pursuit.  This exercise is also valuable in increasing your dog's speed and endurance, but it will wear out the roadkill pretty fast.. also your neighbors will wonder what the hell is wrong with you if they see ya, and they may call the SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Critter Anjuries) on ya.

The Equipment

Ok, your dog or dogs are trained, you've got a rifle (a shotgun or 22 rifle will do) and your ready to go...  But first you'll need some other equipment.

1.  Flashlight - duh.. it's dark out at night. You'll also need it when (by some miracle) you dog tree's a coon, so you can find the coon in the tree and shoot it.  How your gonna hold the flashlight and shoot the rifle at the same time is a good point.  Therefore, you'll need item 2.

2. Duct Tape - to tape your flashlight to the rifle for coon spottin/shootin. And to repair tears and rips in your cloths.  Also great for covering your nose and/or mouth (don't do both at the same time) when your dog spooks a skunk by mistake.

2.  Bottle of Whiskey - for medicinal purposes of course - pour on all those nicks, cuts  and dog bites your gonna get.  My Uncle Leslie taught me coon huntin when I was 13 years old.   It made me pretty nervous, as he tended to drink a lot of the medicine.  Later in life he'd go by himself and  just let the dogs loose and sit under a tree drinkin' the Whiskey.  He'd eventually fall asleep and spend the night there.  We'd all go hunt for him the next day (Aunt Linda would threaten to kick our butts if we didn't).

3. Skeeter repellant


The Hunt

Let the dogs loose in an area where coons are, follow em when they start baying, hollerin things like 'SPEAK TOOOOO IT..!' and 'LOOK FEEERR IT..!".  The dog probably won't understand a damn word of it but other coon hunters in the area will think that you're a pro.  The location and tone of your dog's bark will tell you when he's treed he coon.  If he just keeps barking and running, and never stops.. most likely he's found a fox trail. This is bad news, if you can't get your dog back when you call him, you might as well go on home, cause he'll be running all night (foxes don't climb tree's, and are smarter and faster then coons).  If they shut up and won't speak, no matter how loud you holler "SPEAK TOOOO IT!!", then they've probably spooked a skunk...in that case, you DON'T want them to come back (see Duct Tape above).

After the dog's have treed the coon and you've shot and killed it (yea right..) it's time to...

Clean the Coon

Coon should be bled and cleaned quickly after killing to prevent the meat from taking on a gamey taste.  If you didn't shoot it but found it, and don't know how long it was laying there, add more spices to these recipes to mask the gamey taste.  Or just hold your nose while you eat it if it's really bad.

Cut off the head and feet, then skin it.  A good pair of plyers work really good.  Make sure you get those musk glands off of the front of the legs using your fingers and knife, they'll stink up the meat real good if you don't. Wash your hands real good after you get em off so you don't stink up the meat touchin it.   Remove all the fat from the meat, and cut it into pieces.  Throw it in a pot of cold water, put in a lot of salt and soda and soak it the fridgerator over night - if you're from West Virginia you can use an ice chest. 


After you've killed it (or picked up a fresh roadkill), here's a good way to cook em.

Coon and Dressin

You'll need

 1 Coon - fairly fresh kill
 Two medium onions
 teaspoon of oregano
 Stove Top Dressin or make your own

Dressin' recipe

1 loaf of bread
3/4 cup chopped onion
Poultry seasoning
broth from boiled coon
sage, salt & pepper

   Remove the meat from the cold salt water you should of soaked it in overnight, and put it in a pot and cover it with fresh water - add the two medium onions (chopped up) and the oregano.  Boil it until it's tender.

Put the coon meat in a roasting pan, and cover it with the dressin'.  Use some of the broth from the boiling to wet down the dressin.  Bake at 350 until it's all done.

Coon & kraut

1 Raccoon (cut into serving pieces)
1 Pound Sauerkraut
1 Medium Apple (diced)
1 Medium Onion (diced)
1 Tablespoon caraway seeds
6 Pack of Beer

Coat the coon meat in flour, salt, and pepper. Brown in olive oil.

In another pan, sauté the apples and onions in olive oil until their tender.

Drain and wash the sauerkraut and add it to the apples and onions along with the caraway and enough beer or cider to simmer the sauerkraut. Drink other beer's from six pack while you simmer this stuff for about 20 minutes.

Mix in raccoon pieces and place the entire mixture into a roasting pan and place in the oven at 350F for 3 hours, adding beer or cider as the mixture begins to dry out.


Invite the neighbors over for dinner (hell you owe it to em after stinkin up the neighborhood trainin your dog).


To join the ring, click join  
This fishing-hunting.com ring site owned by michael clark.
 [ Previous 5 Sites | Previous | Next | Next 5 Sites | Random Site | List Sites ]

Ya'll Come Back Now, Ya hear?